Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Haircut, hold the sass

I decided to go for a spontaneous haircut yesterday, and told the lady to cut off a lot.  I’ve come a long way from the time I cried after a haircut, before I even got out of the chair, and traumatized the relatively innocent hairdresser who was just following my parents’ instructions (I believe they were: “make her look like a boy” – maybe not verbatim).  My resulting fear of haircuts was marked by years of infrequent and unnoticeable trims until, oddly, I just stopped caring.  I can’t even blame it on post-baby carelessness, although imperfect bangs are just not going to break things for me at this point.  It happened before, when I must have realized that (a) if I tell them to make sure I can still put my hair up for the gym (it’s ok…they don’t know me, and it makes me feel good to say that), ponytail-able hair can’t be atrocious and (b) what’s that thing about hair?  Oh yeah, it grows.  So now I don’t think too much before going.  I get fed up with my hair, schedule a cut, and go to enjoy the wash/head massage, make small talk with the staff, and strut around with my blown out hair for a few days afterwards.  And, this time, rant to my friends about the judgmental B that cut my hair.

Yes lady, it’s been 6 months since I last got a haircut.  Actually, closer to 8 but I told you 6.  And I do, in fact, want you to cut off more than you keep suggesting, but that’s because it’s the style I want now, and not in order to “go another 6 months.”  When you ask how often I blow dry my hair and then sympathetically offer a cut to accommodate my “busy lifestyle” without knowing anything about my lifestyle, you make me want to give you $4.65 as a tip.  If I wasn't leading a “busy lifestyle” that just barely explains (but does not excuse) my less-than-daily straight hair, what are you saying your low maintenance cut will accommodate?  For some reason, you seem to have pegged me as a lazy lesbian that accidentally stumbled into your upper west side venue.  

P.S.  Your roots are grown out, and I think we stopped wearing sunglasses as headbands all day, indoors, at work. It's not even summer yet.

And the haircut was decent, thanks.